I believe that the way one handles conflict is a lot due to one’s upbringing and personality. I also believe that my generation was mostly brought up with “conflict avoidance” – because conflict was something bad and one had to avoid it as much as possible. But what our parents failed to tell us, is that conflict can’t be avoided. Conflict has existed since the beginning of mankind and the best way to handle it, is to confront it, not avoid it. There’s a lot of content regarding conflict at the workplace, definitely a trending topic, but in my opinion, it’s important to also address conflict in your personal life, with your partner or friends and especially family members. 

Part of my studies included a whole module on conflict resolution because it is a very common issue that affects many and coaches and therapists are here to help with these kinds of issues.

Did you know that there are 5 methods to deal with conflict – also known as the Thomas-Kilmann Conflict Mode Instrument:

1. Accommodation

   This is a lose/win situation. The accommodation approach is generally used when one party is willing to forfeit their position. It is best used in situations where, the issue or problem is more important to the other party concerned or it is more important to safeguard the relationship rather than argue about the issue.

2. Compromise

   This is a win/lose – win/lose situation, i.e. everyone involved gains and loses through negotiation and flexibility. Each will win some of what they desire while at the same time giving something up. The main goal of this approach is to find common ground and maintain the relationship. Compromise is best used to achieve an agreement when all parties have equal power or to reach a temporary resolution in more complicated matters.

3. Avoidance

   This is a lose/lose situation. Neither party takes action to address the issues involved in the conflict, meaning that it will remain unresolved. This approach is best used if all concerned feel that the issue is a minor one and will be resolved in time without any fuss. When the parties need a chance to cool down and spend time apart or when more time is needed before thinking about dealing with the issues; also if the impact of dealing with the situation may be damaging to all parties involved.

4. Competition

   This is a win/lose situation. One party attempts to win the conflict through dominance and power. This approach is best usedwhen all other methods have been tried (and failed) or in emergency situations when quick, immediate and decisive action is called for or in situations where unpopular changes need to be applied and discussion is not appropriate.

5. Collaboration

   This is a win/win situation. It is the most effective but most difficult way of managing differences. It requires trust and commitment on all sides to reach a resolution by getting to the heart of the problem. All parties need to be willing to empathise and try to understand each other’s situation. Collaboration is most appropriate when all parties are willing to investigate alternative solutions together that they may not necessarily have thought of on their own or when trying to get to the source of problems that have continued for a long time and when parties from different backgrounds and experiences are involved.

So, have you ever asked yourself how you handle conflict? If not, I invite you to investigate and find out for yourself if you’ve ever used any of these methods and how they worked out for you.

Thank you for being here. Godspeed!

* source www.southampton.ac.uk