(re) Defining Happiness

Ever since I was a little girl, I was told various quotes and philosophies regarding happiness. Most of the time, being convinced that happiness is an ultimate state or goal, fantasy or achievement… quoting Beyoncé in her song “Pretty Hurts”:

[Intro: Harvey Keitel & Beyoncé]

Ms. Third Ward, your first question: What is your aspiration in life?

Oh, well, my aspiration in life would be… to be happy!

And so, my father tells me when I’ve more or less reached the “age of reason”, that everybody mistakes happiness for a destination, when in fact happiness, is the journey. He always reminded me “don’t forget to enjoy the journey”. Nonetheless, here I am, 25 years later from reaching my “age of reason” and well, I’ve just defied that definition of happiness with a passage from a very interesting book I just finished reading. It says:

[…] Happiness is simply the absence of desire. When you observe a cue, but do not desire to change your state, you are content with the current situation. Happiness is not about the achievement of pleasure (which is joy or satisfaction), but about the lack of desire. It arrives when you have no urge to feel differently. Happiness is the state you enter when you no longer want to change your state.

I was mind blown by this new definition; very rational, almost mathematical. But here comes more:

[…] However, happiness is fleeting because a new desire always comes along. As Caed Budris says: happiness is the space between one desire being fulfilled and a new desire forming.

Likewise, suffering is the space between craving a change in state and getting it. […]

The book I’m quoting is Atomic Habits by James Clear. I totally recommend this book! (I definitely will in my book club!)

So basically, it all balls down to desire. According to James, [...] awareness comes before desire. A craving is created when you assign meaning to a cue. Your brain constructs an emotion or feeling to describe your current situation and that means a craving can only occur after you have noticed an opportunity. [...]

So, can I be bold and say that often times, when a person lacks awareness, it will lack the cue for a particular desire and therefore can never obtain a state of happiness because it doesn’t have the awareness to define the desire?

In other words, when you don’t know what you want, you can never be happy? It often so happens that I meet or deal with people, who lack (self) awareness. So, they may feel or know that they’re unhappy, but they don’t know why. Has that ever happened to you? It definitely has happened to me, but much less since I’ve put in the work. Since I’ve been working on myself with a professional and alone and I’ve been working towards obtaining a more conscious state of awareness, I can say that in general, I am more content. I am happier and more at peace with myself and my surrounding (physical or mental). This goes further than being grateful every morning or counting your blessings before you go to sleep every night, but it can start with something as simple as that. We often spend more time making lists of what we lack, of what could have been or should have been. How about doing the opposite? Creating awareness of what you have can be the beginning of the journey towards (self) awareness, defining your desires and working towards achieving them, so you can reach a state of happiness, even for just a brief moment, but once you’ve reached it, you can always work towards more, and ultimately, be happier.

Thank you for being here. Godspeed!